Have you wronged someone? Did you hurt someone on purpose? Was it unintentional? Either way you owe them an apology. I am going to help you to write a sincere letter to ask forgiveness. If you follow these clear steps you should gain the person’s attention and respect. This will put you in a good place to make amends.

apology accepted at dapperhouse

How to Write a Sincere Letter of Apology

1.) State the Problem

You must state the problem without judgement.

DO: “I know that you heard that I was talking bad about your new                            hairstyle.”

DON’T: “I heard that you were talking behind my back to Chris and she told                     you that I was spreading gossip about your hairdo.”

2.) Acknowledge the Person’s Feelings

DO: “I can guess that when you heard this you felt betrayed or                                   threatened or sad.”

DON’T: “I heard that you got all mad and told everyone that I was a jerk.”

3.) State Without Excuses Why You Let This Happen

DO: “I did say that I thought it was cut very short.  I like you with longer hair            but that is my personal preference. I still think you are beautiful and  I              respect you as a friend.”

DON’T: ” Yeah, told Chris that your hair was cut too short but you can do                         whatever you want. I like you either way and Chris shouldn’t                           be gossiping about us.”

4.) Explain How You Feel and What You Want to Happen Next 

DO: “I really want to talk to you in person about this and I hope that you                  will accept my apology. I don’t want us to argue. I want you to trust                  me.I care about you and feel sad that I hurt you”

DON’T: “I want to get together and fix this if you will stop being mad because I              am mad too that people are talking about us.”

5.) Explain Your Plan for Preventing This from Reoccurring in the Future

DO: “I will be more careful when I talk about you to other people. I want you           to know that when I talk about you it is not to belittle you and I would             say the same as if you were listening because I care about you.”

DON’T: “I will stop talking to other people forever I guess so that they                            don’t twist my words around and lie about me. I wish you would not                  question our friendship because you should know me better than                      that.”

6.) Apologize

DO: “I am very sorry that what I said made you feel upset and caused                        a problem between us. I am asking for you to forgive me so that                        we can be friends again and grow from this misunderstanding.”

DON’T: “I am sorry, you know because this is just not like me to do this to                      people no matter what other people say that is wrong about me                        and you. I hope you forgive me soon so that we can be friends.”

Do you see the trend in the “DO” sections? Is is best to approach the apology letter with humility; meaning don’t come off as defensive and don’t pass the blame. Even if the issue is a misunderstanding, it is still your responsibility to show respect and remorse.

You can see these suggestions in action on this Spoof post about a son writing his dad and apology letter.