3 Ways to Deal with Heated Family Arguments
No matter how well your family may get along, there comes a time in every family unit when arguments arise. Dealing with family arguments can be tricky and quite difficult in nature for these are people who you love dearly but who may be very emotionally charged in the heated moment. Or you might be the one acting out on your family with intensity. Family members still love each other even amidst the family argument so how can you learn to deal with family arguments while still maintaining that bond of unconditional love?
1. Use a Code Word
A code word can come in handy when you find that the family may be heading towards a heated moment. Consider creating a code word that means the conversation must end abruptly. There’s nothing wrong with ceasing to have the discussion if you feel it’s getting too heated. It is better to use the code word if it means that you take a break from the conversation immediately before things get ugly or out of hand. All parties must retreat to their safe zone (bedroom) calm down and try to see the other person’s point of view so that the argument can be resolved. The code word strategy works for married couples as well as parents and children (especially tweens and teens).
2. Give the Benefit of the Doubt
Often time’s family arguments can stem from a fault in one person’s character, such as a family member who has made everyone late for an event. Consider taking a moment to breathe, rather than lash out in anger, when a family member has done something to cause you negative feelings. Give the family member the benefit of the doubt, perhaps this was an honest mistake that won’t happen again. If it really bothers you, discuss later when you have had time to calm yourself down. If the person causing frequent problems due to a character flaw such as inattention to detail, tardiness or a short temper, for example, the issues need to be addressed and a plan put in place to solve the problem. Perhaps giving a family member the benefit of the doubt that they may want to do better but are having a difficult time is enough to create a safe environment for them to work on their bad habits.
3. Give Some Space
You aren’t admitting defeat by walking away from a heated argument. Often you are simply diffusing an overly emotional situation. Family arguments are no place for a big ego. Learn to be the bigger person by walking away to avoid hurtful and harmful fights. It is important to come back when people are calm so that you can discuss the problem that created the argument. Someone who leaves an argument to avoid taking responsibility or to avoid hearing the needs of the other person however, is selfish and non productive. Having some space between family members can be very calming for the whole family when a family argument ensues and gives everyone a chance to come back ready to reach a solution.
There are many reasons a family argument can erupt. Whether you are a married couple arguing about a sensitive subject or loved ones gathered at a family function, arguments happen for every family regardless of shape, size or location. Arguments are inevitable and natural. They are important to solving problems and understanding each other. If you use these tips on how to deal with family arguments on a regular basis, you may just see the tension release and solutions to problems get better.
These are some great tips I would never have thought of using something like a codework but it is such a good idea to give that option.
I love your tips so much. I can see how they would help when dealing with arguments. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt. I need to try your other tips as well.
MICHELLE GWYNN JONES
A cooling down period is always helpful, but there are some people who just don’t get it. I have walked away for a reason, following is NOT a good idea.
I’m going to have to remember some of these tips! I have cut my relationship with toxic family members since they couldn’t do any of these things.
These are great tips. I tend to give space. That works the best for us for the most part. Sometimes. I have a very opinionated tween, so sometimes it’s not exactly quiet.
We take lots of space here. We walk away get over it and move on.
Very good advice. A cooling off period can be very helpful with diffusing some of the emotion.
Wow, these are great tips! Thank you so much for sharing! Looking forward to trying them…
Number 2 is excellent advice and one, it seems, I need to work on.. I do lash out quickly without giving the benefit of the doubt which I think stems from impatience and always being in a rush.
Paula Bendfeldt Diaz
These are all great tips. I find that taking a step back and giving people some space helps calm everyone down so we can come back and have a conversation that is not as charged with emotion and negative feelings.
These will be helpful. It’s more hurtful if the argument is with family members. I would choose to give some space and let everyone cool down and think reasonably.
Angela Ricardo Bethea
Great tips! Totally agree with number 2, it’s better to listen first than to lash out immediately and possibly say mean things. Give them space to cool down and think by themselves first would be good.
Space always helps. That is really all I need when things get out of hand.
These are great tips that I’m implementing tonight. I love the Code word, and I know my girls will also. The benefit of a doubt I do often, because my youngest princess changes outfits nearly 12 before any event and we tend to run late. I always make them retreat to their rooms for 15 minutes and write down what happened then we talk about it.
These are great tips. When I get to the point I want to raise my voice I just walk away and give myself a few minutes to calm down. It’s the best way. The code word is a great idea too so that everyone knows it’s getting to be a bit to much. Great post!
Thank you for sharing these tips. I do not get along well with my family and I am very hot-tempered. I think that I should change and maybe I can apply some of your tips in my daily life,too. Thank you very much.
These are excellent suggestions for cooling the flames of a heated family argument. A code work is a great idea!
Those are some great tips. I think giving space would help a lot during these times.
Those are really great tips!! Space would really help in this kind of situations
I agree using code word is helpful before things gets ugly. I can relate about taking the time out to just calm down.
A code word is a great idea. We dont have one but I think it would be a good resource.
Luckily we, as a family, dont argue too often. Its usually myself and my middle son that are at odds more than anything and sometimes it is good, and ok, to just step back for a few minutes to collect thoughts and try to figure out what we need to accomplish.
Great tips on a subject most shy away from. I loved that you shared this, though, because arguing is just a part of life.
These are great lists. I would try this. An argument cannot be avoided.
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